Zack and Miri make a porno

Zack and Miri make a porno. Another movie from the goofy Judd Apatow group, though it wasn't actually written by Apatow. Pretty funny, the guy from the Office is cool, Jason Mewes is surreally funny.

Elizabeth Banks is hot, and funny, Rogan is his usual self. Kind of funny, worth watching if it's on TV. Nothing terribly original or memorable, besides Granny Panties.

Television

As many of you know, I got married somewhat recently(a little over a month ago) this was one of the factors in my blogging deficit. I am busy, I have a large backlog, frisbee is in full swing, I got married, and one other thing. Television. I have been watching a lot of television. This significantly takes away from my movie watching, but I love me programs. Why not talk about some of these?

Contender Muay Thai(CMT for short, terrible IMDB page btw)
I never got into the normal Contender series for a few reasons. Not the least of which was that amateur boxing is really boring and it sucks. Did anyone watch Olympic boxing this year in Beijing? It was boring and slow, and no one understood the point system; not the coaches, commentators, spectators, no one. CMT has a few advantages over plain old Contender shows. First, it is in Thailand, and has a quite varied international set of competitors. Second, any level of Muay Thai is exciting. They give us five full rounds, plenty of time to get some real action(TUF only gives us two). The only fight so far this season that went to decision(John Wayne vs the French idiot) was the bloodiest match of the season. Last night someone got KTFO, brutally. It wasn't like straight-arms out quivering, but he was down far after a 10 count was reached. What I like about CMT and TUF is that when you have a number of over aggressive fighters in a house, you don't have to manufacture drama.

Intervention
Yes I'm still watching this. I can't get enough of people on drugs acting stupid. Quite entertaining, though I probably don't feel the emotions they're trying to evoke. I'm actively rooting against most of them.

Daily Show/Colbert Report
Constantly making fun of McCain/Palin seems to take a bit of the sting out of the fact we're going to have a republican white house again. The wife and I are seriously talking about fulfilling my life long dream of moving to Canada. At least for a little while(four yearsish)

Project Runway
Say what you will, my wife loves it and it's mildly entertaining. I wish Tyra Banks would watch how Heidi Klum comports herself for a few episodes before continuing to act like a bigger spaz than Screech. I love watching Chelsea Handler take the piss out of Tyra every day, tho I'm leaving her show off this list.

I'm stopping here. But I am very excited for the new seasons of Knight Rider, Terminator, and the new hit Fringe.

The Grand

The Grand.
First of all, I love David Cross. He's fantastic in everything he does. Now that you know I'm objective, this movie is funny. Very funny. I've gotten a little sick of Woody Harrelson over the years, but I really liked him in the lead role. The dysfunctional misanthrope is a very good contrast to how Woody lives his life. That's three movies in a row he's good in(also No Country and Transsiberian)

A loaded, terrific cast, good pace, and surprisingly the most accurate movie poker action I've seen make a fun time. If you like goofy comedies you'll like this movie. If you like David Cross or Woody Harrelson, if you like poker movies, check this out. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

The Other Bolyn Girl

The Other Boleyn Girl. Two spicy ladies, one boring piece of European history. How can it go wrong? Bad acting, played out terribly slowly, and you have a snoozefest.

Trust me, if you can have Natalie Portman and Scarlet Johansson and not keep my interested you're doing something wrong. Skip it unless you're super bored.

Lars and the Real Girl

Lars and the Real Girl. I've wanted to see this for a long time. I've had it on DVD, just never got around to actually watching it. I was up at my cottage for about a week, and I want to watch a movie with me mum. Here we go.

Very cute, well done Indie flick. Good casting, Ryan Gosling shines as a quirky loner, and the setting really helps out the feeling of isolation. People have compared this to the Peter Sellers movie Being There(a movie as old as my baby blanket), which if you haven't seen you really need to.

Overall we both enjoyed it, and I'd highly recommend for pretty much anyone.

**
Bonus trivia fact :
The "Real Doll" was featured on "The Graham Norton Effect" (2004). The doll was given to the show and was stated as costing $6,000. She arrived in the same kind of crate that is shown in the movie. To test how real the doll looked they sat her in a bar with drink in hand, sunglasses and a speaker placed on her so they could talk to whomever came up to talk to the doll. One man was told to go into the bathroom, take off his pants and wait for her. He did.

Rush Hour 3

Rush Hour 3. Bad Bad Bad. why do I do this to myself?

Yes, I like Jackie Chan.
Yes, I like Chris Tucker.
Yes, I liked the first one. The second Rush Hour? Not so much.

I knew it would be terribe. Knew it. It was worse than that. I don't remember much more, but I don't want to. Stay away...

Wall-E

Wall-E. Cute, kid-ish looking new movie from Pixar about a robot that looks just like Johnny-5. So much so that they are making another Short Circuit movie. I kiiiiind of wanted to see it when released, and we couldn't find the DVD we were looking for so why not?

Set in the somewhat-unspecified, dystopic future, Wall-E is a small trash managing robot. Working all day to clean up the mess that absent humans have created and left. This world looks a bit like the future of I Am Legend. There is actually quite a bit of potential for scariness. Maybe that can be explored in a film not geared for a younger crowd.

I'll admit I'm a little soft, but Wall-E(the movie and the character) really grabbed me. I am woefully indifferent to travails of humans in real life and often cinema, but for some reason animals and robots get me. I seem to care about things that possibly can't take care of themselves. Wall-E has a friend cockroach, and makes a friend Eve, the interrelationships are achingly cute.

During the course of the movie, we find out what happened to humans, and why they haven't returned. We enjoy the voice-talents of Fred Willard and Jeff Garlin, and enjoy some fantastic animation. There is no speaking for about 20 minutes at the beginning, which is when Mugs fell asleep, but if you can get past that I think this is really a quality movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend, especially for a family.

The Love Guru

The Love Guru. Universally panned, weird looking movie about a new age 'love guru' played by Mike Myers. Previews that didn't look so bad, coupled with Myers and Jessica Alba as the female lead got me interested. Why not give it a shot?

So what did I think of it? Love guru was a really, really bad movie. Not the worst I've seen in a while(it did have a few positives) but it was bad. Myers wrote this, but he must have done the writing while doing something else. Flat, poorly set up jokes delivered by actors(including Myers himself) who seem completely disinterested in the film really don't do the script any favors.

The dialogue is crude and stilted, never really engaging the audience. The plot could have been silly and funny if executed well, but instead was just stupid and poorly conceived. I think this was the worst performance I've ever seen from Myers. It was truly disappointing, and I went in with low expectations. Alba, while still being lovely, was her usual terrible-actor self, and didn't help. Verne Troyer(mini me) didn't add much as the hockey manager, and Ben Kingsley should be ashamed of himself playing the cross eyed Guru Tugginmypudha. This guy was Gandhi for goodness sake.

Not much went right here, but lets see what did.
JT. That's right, Justin Timberlake. He really delivers as the generously endowed French Canadian goalie/antagonist. He actually seems like he is interested in his performance, and doesn't take himself too seriously. I really enjoyed JT in the Love Guru. In the last few years we have seen some hilarious commentating in movies, like Fred Willard in Best in Show, Jason Bateman in Dodgeball, and now Stephen Colbert in Love Guru. Colbert is a bright spot in a cloud of badness. I didn't mind Romany Malco(who you'll recognize from 40 year old virgin), but I think it was just in comparison to the other characters.

Overall, I'd say don't see this. When it's on free TV, you should probably still avoid it. But if you're doing something else and not devoting time to it, I guess you could spare a bit of time for a joke or two.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Another Judd Apatow movie, came out around when Baby Mama did. I wasn't excited when it came out, it honestly didn't look that interesting to me. It was mildly intriguing though, and it was 'available' so I gave it a shot.

So all I had been hearing about was some prolonged 'junk' shot, of Jason Segal. Shocking! Scandalous! Well, that was sooo overblown. It was like a few short, cuts, then immediate pan aways. Like they were embarrassed to be doing it. You see more penis in one minute in a locker room. If you're going to see it or not see it for the male frontal, you need another reason, it's a non factor.

This review isn't starting out very positive, but let me change that. I really really liked FSM. It had great writing, and the cast was outstanding. While Jason Segal was about what I expected(penis included), Kristen Bell was very convincing as a controlling ice queen. As my co-worker said to me this morning, "I can't get enough of Jonah Hill". That kid could make the dictionary funny if he read it. Mila Kunis was cute and funny, a good rebound love interest. The overly religious married couple was Kenneth from 30 Rock and Tammi from Strangers with Candy. Paul Rudd delivered as the weirdo surf-hippie, and Bill Hader really sold the no-common-sense having whipped friend. I was also delighted to see Long Duck Dong briefly appearing as Kunis' boss. I think my favorite though was the British Guy, whose every utterance bordered on ridiculousness.

There is more then enough stupid humor, with a lot of intellectual barbs sprinkled throughout. I found myself laughing out loud again and again(unfortunately more than Mugs). I could watch it again, and still enjoy. Check it out, folks.

PS - actual quote from the movie :
you don't need to put your p in a v right now
no, I need to b my l on someones t's

Finding Amanda

Finding Amanda. Work gets out early. Frisbee practice right near work a couple of hours later. Might as well go to a movie right? I haven't been to the Kendall theater in a while, so I decided to check out an Indie flick. Matthew Broderick is always compelling, though he often plays despicable characters. I also like Maura Tierney, and I think I know who Britney Snow is. Lets give it a shot.

First of all, Broderick is awesome. He's funny, pitiful, degenerate. He perfectly portrays someone with a problem. Gambling/addictions abound in his life, and he needs help. Help he's not always willing to take, but he seems to know on some level that he needs it.

Maura Tierney is his long suffering wife, who keeps believing in Taylor(Broderick) long after she shouldn't. Taylor's equally troubled but gorgeous niece is played by the thank-goodness-she's-really-22 Britney Snow. Snow really seems like she's living the life she's portraying, and positively sparkles. If this isn't enough, we have a terrific little part for Steve Coogan, who steals all of the scenes he is in(and is uncredited in the movie some some strange reason). I can't get enough of his comedic genius.

The film moves, has terrific dialogue, inspired acting, and a makes-you-laugh makes-you-cry story line. Be warned that it's a bit heavy, but I would certainly recommend it to pretty much everyone.

Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz. Funny looking, critically acclaimed action comedy from the makers of the immensely popular Shaun of the Dead(which I have never watched, re: Zombies, afraid of - me). I've wanted to see it for a long time, but never did for some reason I can't explain. It was on HBO, I dvr'd it, so here we are.

We open on a montage of a policeman(Simon Pegg who co wrote the film), the most effective officer of the London force. He excels in all things academic and physical, and seems to always "get his man". Far from endearing him to coworkers, however, this makes him the object of resentment and jealousy. The upward chain of command is the hilarious trio of Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan, and Bill Nighy. They soon exile Sgt Angel(Pegg), sending him to a sleepy village in the country.

As I said I haven't seen Pegg's other movies, but he seems very well suited to the part. He is anal and condescending, while still being funny. Sidekick Danny(Nick Frost) quaintly seeks fellowship and approval, working his way into our affection. I'd like to see Frost in more roles. The movie moves quite well, and keeps you on your toes somewhat. The violence gets a bit over the top to be honest, but it's palatable.

Fuzz should make you laugh and cringe, and will probably make you want to see other projects from this team, like Shaun of the Dead, and Run Fatboy Run. I'd recommend, if you can handle a bit of gore. You even get the immensely powerful screen presence of Timothy Dalton, who really simmers.

Drillbit Taylor

Drillbit Taylor. Silly formula comedy starring nerdy teenagers and the inimitable Owen Wilson. I hear it is similar to My Bodyguard, which I have never seen. I like the concept, it's partially written by Seth Rogan, and I'm a fan of the Wilson brothers. And I had the DVD. So why not?

Nerdy Kids. Drillbit is centered around nerdy kids. Troy Gentile, who has a biting wit, has played a young Jack Black in two films, and plays the angry fat kid well. Nate Hartley is a good tall skinny protagonist. Then we have the notably hobbit-heighted David Dorfman, in a role quite different from his character in the Ring movies. They all do well, taken under the wing of Wilson, who always plays a nutty but loveable guy well.

Stephen Root, who I love from Newsradio(one of the most underrated shows ever) is a great clueless principal, and fringe characters are all good enough. There's some stupidity, and a lot of funny. Cheesy high school substance, and some feel good at the end. If you like stupid comedies, I think you should check it out.

PS - my favorite line from Drillbit Taylor "the guy who does your mom says get up"

All In

All In. First of all, you may know I'm a poker player. So I try to keep up on poker movies. Second of all, who doesn't love Dominique Swain? I'm also a big fan of the overly-candid Michael Madsen. So far, so good. Right? If only we stayed there.

This is a bad film. bad ... Bad ... BAD. Terrible, awful. Remarkable horrible. Physically painful. What was so bad you ask? A-HA! What a question. What elements are there in a movie? That's what is bad about it.
Casting, check
Acting, check
Music, check
Writing, check
Everything, check
The filming style felt like a terrible soap opera.

Some notes from the film :

-Doctors tell med students they're useless and dangerous in front of the patients they're about to treat
-Prestigious medical schools have small lecture rooms with armless deskless chairs and antique chalkboards
-A cabal of poker experts with inside information who are basically cheating still need terrible acting and a lucky river card to win a single hand
-Poker rooms and tournaments use generic monochromatic chips, with no logo or denomination on them
-A team of medical students including a math genius needs a wristwatch to observe the difference between 4 and 8 seconds
-All poker players do the EXACT same thing every time they bluff or have a hand. And don't realize it. And show their cards at the end of every hand.
- A 3-7 straight ALWAYS gets there. And wins.
I don't want to go on. It's putting me in a bad mood, and that's not fair to Margo. Trust me on this.

Even being a cinematic professional, I can't believe I finished. But I did. And it was for you, gentle reader. I hope you can appreciate my sacrifice. In the span of a week I get to replace the best(In Bruges) and worst(All In) movies reviewed on this site. Enjoy.

Recount

Recount. HBO tv movie about the 2000 US presidential election. When it came out I thought it was going to be some weird documentary, but it turns out it's a legit movie with real star power. It also stirred up some old anger.

I remember the 2000 election, watching the results as they came in across the country. Gaping in disbelief at the parity of the results. I honestly could NOT believe that George Bush was going to be our president. That idiot, with nothing going for him, whom no one seemed to be backing. I didn't understand what was happening. Then the whole Florida debacle. My parents lived in Florida(Dade county) at the time, but neither of them could vote at the time. Because of the election, my mother became an American citizen, for the right to vote against Bush next time.

Recount was definitely made by liberals. It shows all of the actions by Democrats and Republicans beginning on November 7th and ending on December 13th, one day after the recount was officially declared over. I got mad watching this. Really mad. I knew what had happened, and how it was going to turn out(duh) but I still got really heated. Riled up. I almost had to stop watching. While it unfortunately affected 'date night' with Mugs, I think that's a sign of a good film. It achieved its purpose quite well.

What's funny is that I'm not really a Democrat(I've voted Green party in all three presidential elections I've been old enough for). I just hate the republican platform so much it pushes me into the arms of their enemy. I was more outraged at the 2000 presidential election than when Ah-Nold was elected(I was living in CA and voted no for Davis' recall), and that's saying quite a lot.

Kevin Spacey is terrific, and I am not sure who Dennis Leary's character is supposed to be, but I hope he has a wicked heavy Boston accent. Laura Dern plays the hopeless, pathetic Katherine Harris like a pro, and all of the casting seemed effective. If you're a republican, you won't like how your party is portrayed so I'd steer clear. But if you're on the fence, or left-leaning at all, check it out. But don't leave anything breakable nearby.

In Bruges

In Bruges. The other day I was with a couple of friends, and we needed a movie to watch. Something to please the crowd, why not try a movie that not many people know about. Less objections that way. Anyways, I had In Bruges on a DVD, I wanted to watch it, it has Colin Farrell(to please the ladies), so there you go.

Let me preface with this : I do not like Colin Farrell. At all. I think he's a terrible actor(Miami Vice, Daredevil, Alexander, S.W.A.T - his IMDB page is a pretty depressing list) and the persona he presents to the public is a total A-hole. I've never been happy to see him in a movie, or even thought he did a good job. If you've read my blog before you know I also don't like Ralph Fiennes. The good news? Intriguing premise, and Brendan Gleeson was good in the latest Harry Potter movie...

We open on the charming town of Bruges, Belgium. Beautiful Gothic buildings, Venice-like canals, and an apparently thriving movie industry. Our two assassins(Farrell and Gleeson) stay in a small hotel, waiting for word from their angry, potty mouthed boss Harry(Fiennes). The scenery is great, and mostly unknown cast performs admirably. We want to know more, to keep watching them. Dialogue is meaningful and effective, and the music is always appropriate.

What's most amazing for me is Farrell. I really liked him. He was amusing, charming, even cute in glasses. His interactions with Gleeson are funny and feel natural, I genuinely enjoyed seeing him. Fiennes was also a virtual tour de force. He was strong and effective, perfectly suiting his position. I really liked this movie. Really, really liked it. It might take over my 'top movie reviewed' title. I would recommend it to pretty much everyone, I am pretty sure I'll buy it.

Semi-Pro

Semi-Pro. I love Will Ferrell. The man is hilarious. He could comedy his way out of Ft. Knox. Fuh reals. Sort of like Leatherheads, Semi-Pro is a period piece about the end of the ABA, and teams trying to get into the money filled NBA.

Ferrell plays Jackie Moon, the Owner/coach/power forward/entertainment coordinator for the Flint Tropics, a sorry franchise in the Midwest. They seem to have one good player(Andre from Outkast) and a tiny fan base. We follow Moon through all sorts of crazy promotions, and his strange shouting awkwardness. It's pretty common Ferrell, and if you're not a huge fan then you might think it's old or unoriginal.

As I said, I'm a huge WF fan, but for me the extras made the movie. Andre was funny, Woody Harrelson was well cast, Andy Richter is always funny, and we even had the always off-the-wall Rob Corddry(who Mugs loves). However funny you find it, Semi-Pro stays that funny throughout, barely changing pace.

Worth watching if it's on TV, check it out while you're doing something else and you won't be disappointed.

Iron Man

Iron Man. I'm a comic book guy. I'm a Marvel Guy. I'm a movie guy. Our big decision last night was whether to see the Hulk or Iron Man. I hate fighting opening nights, even at the crappiest movie theater I've ever been to(the one near my house) so we chose Iron Man. After purchasing our tickets and incredibly greasy buttered popcorn, we sauntered into the 50 seat room with a hole in the screen. Yep, that's the Cinema experience. Woo Hoo

I have been very hard on comic adaptations in the past, as I was an avid comic reader in my childhood. I also hold it against a movie when I think it doesn't stay true to its source, or isn't as exciting or interesting as the original. Iron Man, you've been warned.

So Robert Downey Jr., hm ... Good casting I guess. Snarky and glamorous, he has the look as well as the attitude. Terrance Howard is good in everything he does, and I've always been a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow(sadly Mugs isn't). The story is paced well, and keeps us interested throughout. Jeff Bridges is terrific as the menacing father figure(can you believe that's Lebowski?), and the main terrorist is suitably evil.

The effects are integrated perfectly, far from over the top. One of the two movies made by the brand new Marvel Studios, I am happy. I think they stuck to the story well, and are set up for a series. Not the best movie I saw this week, but I liked it.

Leatherheads

Leatherheads. An old timey movie about the fledgling beginning of professional football in the United States. George Clooney starring, Clooney directing. You can definitely tell. Clooney is certainly a talented actor, but when he directs it feels like a long exercise in showing us all brilliant he is, which is not nearly as much as he thinks he is. He's much better in movies directed by other people.

So the style is ok, a little too quippy, snap-snap-snap. Which is much much less appealing when the one liners are lame as post-1921 FDR. The football action is ridiculous, and it is probably supposed to be. John Krasinski is apparently very cute, and he was funny I guess. Rene Zellwegger
seems like a weaker version of her Roxie Hart rendition(which wasn't that great in the first place).

There were a few laughs, and some real stupidity. Honestly there isn't that much to say about Leatherheads, it was pretty unremarkable...

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

I hope I get 30 minutes in heaven, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Cool title, cool bring in. Phillip Seymour-Hoffman and Marisa Tomei? I'm hooked.

We open with a much talked about sex scene between Tomei and Hoffman. Raw and realistic, this is quite a way to start a movie. It certainly gets your attention. If only Devil could keep your attention this well. The movie has legitimate star power, and fairly good writing. The plot moves, though sometimes very slowly.

We're taken down a twisted little path, witnessing the many interactions between people who all seem to be bad.

Positives?
PSH, he's one of the best actors of our time
The story is fairly interesting
Marissa Tomei looks AMAZING. And there's lots of her. Really, she's a revelation at 44.

Negatives?
It is boring at times
There's no one to root for
Ethan Hawke is really, really, really annoying. More annoying than I remember. Just insufferable.

If you like Hoffman, see it I think. It's worth watching at least.

The Raconteurs

The Raconteurs. So no movie last night, but I did do something fun. Why don't I write about it, you ask? What do you think I'm doing right now, silly. Honestly I expect more from my readers...

After work, some friends and I headed over to South Boston, had a lovely dinner at Boston Beer Garden. Buffalo Chicken was eaten, Bud Light pitchers were consumed. Then we headed over to the Bank of America Pavilion(Why don't they have their own web site? Lame as an American Gladiators loser. Why pay naming rights on a venue then not even make a web site for it? Idiots). It's a large outdoors'ish area, right on the water. The weather was perfect, the night was beautiful. We walked around a bit, people watching, looking up future BOA Pavilion events, commenting on the exorbitant concession prices($10 beer, for real).

After checking out the whole outside, and making sure the Sox were winning, we were ready to go in. Our friendly usher informed us that the double letter rows were in front, and the single letter were behind them. We were row "L" so this was bad news. But nowhere there is really that far away, so I was fine with our seats. After sitting down, we notice the whole row in front of us is college meat heads. Frat boys smoking weed and acting like idiots in general.

One of them had a notable T shirt on. The back read :

Getting kids buzzed
since 2002



781 710 9851

Let me ask you, how can I not call that number? So over the protestations of my friends, I call. Ring, ring, ring -- voicemail : "Hello, this is Irving ... " click. I figured it was a land line and gave up. A few minutes later, the kid wearing the shirt reaches in his pocket, takes out his phone. I get poked in the side
"Dude, he's gonna call you"
"He's so gonna call you"
Lo and behold, my cell phone starts ringing. Caller ID : 781 710 9851
Coolly I answer : "Hi Irving, what's up?"
"Hey man"
"How's it going?"
"Who is this?"
"Are you enjoying the concert?"
"Who the F--- is this?"
"Turn around"
"What"
"Turn around"
At which time he turned around, to see me grinning at him. I have a new friend. Apparently Irving is a barber in Melrose, and this is how he tries to drum up business. No one has ever called the number on his shirt before. Frat boys love us, I got my funny story, we're off to a good start.

The opening act, the Black Lips(who I've never heard of) was ok, they sounded kind of generic. Raconteurs were awesome. Jack White played piano first, then sang, then electric guitar, then acoustic, then back to electric. I'm a big Jack White fan, and he certainly didn't disappoint.
Good Venue, good music, good company. Fun night, I'd recommend seeing the Raconteurs if you like-a the rock and roll.

American Dreamz

American Dreamz. As has been the theme lately, I'm home and available(between phone calls) and I have HBO. American Dreamz was on today and it looked less than terrible. Not much less, I really wasn't expecting much here, but as you know that's never stopped me before.

Dreamz is a movie that begins as a parody of American Idol, following the premise of a talent search reality-type show, following a few characters including the British host, and the travails of the American President who is struggling to improve his public image.

Little do you know, but I'm actually a sucker for Hugh Grant films. I kind of like the whole blink-awkward-blink, stutter, awkward-blink-awkward routine. I haven't liked all of his movies(Music and Lyrics) but others surprisingly weren't so bad(About a Boy). Mandy Moore is surprisingly unattractive, but also surprisingly perfect for the part. Sam Golzari's big eyes and open face also fit his character quite well.

The movie flows well, and most of the casting is pretty good. Willem DaFoe is in a new part for him, and nothing is too over the top silly for me. If you come in with low expectations, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised, as I was.

Lucky You

Lucky You. So last night I was waiting for the Sox game to start, and checking out all of the HBO channels. Mugs wasn't home and my dad was snoozing, so I watched the worst movie on TV at the moment. Lucky You. Two things you should know about me :

I hate Eric Bana with a passion.
I am a very good, and very experienced poker player.

I thought one would be a plus, one a minus for watching this horrible horrible movie. Nope, they're both negatives. Eric Bana is terrible, annoying, lisping, stupid, and lifeless. Drew Barrymore is useless(here) and Robert Duvall is completely wasted in his role. But that's not the worst. The poker action in LY is ridiculous. They went through the trouble of using a real poker room, and including all sorts of real life poker professionals. Then what do they do? Make it stupid, unrealistic, annoying and predictable. Whoever wrote this putrescence has obviously never played poker in their life. I would imaging they can't even spell poker. Drew Barrymore's character in the movie knows more about poker than whoever penned this. Seriously, it's more than I can handle, a day later.

Enough bad things. You already know I don't recommend it. Surprisingly there were a couple of good things. Debra Messing isn't terrible(yes that's a positive). Also, I liked how degenerate and obviously out of control Huck(Bana) was. He really was a problem gambler. Until the happy ending of course. And Horation Sanz. I love that portly bastard. Those small things keep it from surpassing Magorium as the worst movie reviewed. Congrats(golf clap)

The Flock

The Flock. Crime suspense, with some elements I like. I'm a big fan of Claire Danes(unfort Mugs isn't) and Andrew(Wai-Keung) Lau. Lau is an stylish director, making the Infernal Affairs series among other films. Richard Gere manages to make a not terrible movie every once in a while, how can I not check it out?

Set as a taut abduction thriller, Gere and Danes seem to have good antagonistic chemistry. Not cops, both agents track and keep up with registered sex offenders in an area. We explore a dark world, where no one on either side is a good person. Molesters, murderers, abductors, and just twisted fetishists are explored, and indulged. I don't have a ton to say about it because it was mostly things I'm not dying to talk about.

Very dark, and very creepy The Flock doesn't leave you feeling good. It is well made, and well acted, but I can't imagine it being mainstream with the subject matter. I'd like to recommend it
because it is a good movie, but it is definitely disturbing and not for everyone or every mood. Proceed with caution

**--**
Well, this was a short review and Top Gun is on TV. I'll talk about it for a min. Some parts of it are so terribly dated. I can't imagine finding Kelly McGillis attractive, and the bar scenes are insane. However, the soundtrack is stil rock solid, and when Goose dies, it still gets one a bit choked up. How can you not flip to it when it's on?
PPS* did you know Maverick's replacement partner Merlin was Tim Robbins? Me either...

Lust, Caution

Lust, Caution. Here is the latest movie from acclaimed director Ang Lee, who you know from movies such as Crouching Tiger, Brokeback Mountain, and Sense and Sensibility. Lee makes slow moving beautiful films starring beautiful people, that are in general entertaining and tend to be re watchable.

Lust, Caution came from Netflix recently, but one has to find the right time to watch it. We had actually settled on watching The Flock instead, but neither of us wanted to get up and change the DVD so we stuck with LC. The movie opens in Japanese occupied 1942 Shanghai, stylish and seemingly era appropriate.

Settings and outfits are terrifically done, and Lee's eye for beauty is immediately apparent. One of my favorite Chinese actors, Tony Leung, shines in the male lead. The story flows slowly but steadily, immersing us in the world of a group of Chinese revolutionary college students. Violence is at a minimum, but the NC-17 rating is definitely earned with the steamy scenes. Mugs and I both agree it should have been called "Caution, ... ... Lust!" but both words in the title are certainly earned.

Ang Lee has created another visually stunning, great movie. Easily captivating for the whole two hours, if it's on TV I'm sure I'll watch it again. I'd definitely recommend it for most folks, if you can live with some slowness and a lot of love scenes.

**
PS - Congratulations to Syracuse University, who today in Boston won their unprecedented 10th mens Lacrosse national title. Lets go Orange!

TMNT

TMNT. So I'm home on this lovely Memorial Day weekend, hanging out with my father. After watching another disappointing Red Sox game(we're no longer in first place) I took a break from the Deadliest Catch marathon to check out TMNT on HBO Family.

I was a big fan of the turtles the first time they came around, I remember being mildly intrigued when this project emerged. Some interest + duty to my readers = unfortunately-not-HD animated viewing.

I wasn't really sure what to expect going in. I didn't really hear anyone talking about TMNT when it came out, and I wasn't sure who the target audience is. Narrated by Lawrence Fishburne, we're greeted by central American martial corruption that has opened movies like Rambo and reminded one of the ending of Hulk. We are then treated to a story from long ago, an interesting legend in the style of the back story from The Fifth Element(warlord from long ago waiting for an aligning of elements to harness outside forces).

The turtles (I assume they're no longer teenaged, as it has been 14 years since the last installment) act silly enough that we're going for a young audience, but there is enough action and CGI April O'Neil to aim for a slightly older crowd as well. The back story is interesting and cool looking, and there is plenty of turtle martial arts to please action fans. We are also treated to the voice talents of Ziyi Zhang, Patrick Stewart, and the venerable and always under appreciated Mako, who has starred in numerous movies, animated pieces, and enjoyed success on Broadway. Sadly, Mako died the day after he was announced as the voice of Splinter, after he had recorded all of his lines.

The movie stays interesting for an adult(if you're familiar with the subject matter) and should be light enough for children. I didn't expect too much here, and I was pleasantly surprised. I was disappointed at the lack of Bebop and Rocksteady but if that's my biggest complaint then I think we're doing ok.

In the Valley of Elah

In the Valley of Elah. When this movie came out I really wanted to see it. I loved the name and thought Ben Kingsley was in it for some reason. Well, he's not in it, and the name refers to a pretty stupid scene in the movie. Two strikes but here we go anyways.

So Elah actually stars Tommy Lee Jones. In a role seemingly very similar to No Country For Old Men, which I liked a lot. The pacing and visual style also seem very similar to NCFOM. Subject matter is a missing soldier, tension between civilians and military personnel, I like it so far. Also, the missing son is Jonathan Tucker, who was in Mugs' ballet class when they were young. We've seen him on things like Law and Order(CI of course), it's nice to see him succeeding.

Like No Country, Elah is slooooooow and deliberate. Unlike No Country, Elah is boring as shite. Really boring. Margo said the story is really what hurt it. Nothing interesting, or gripping, or suspenseful. They're trying so hard to not be formulaic, they just avoided anything that would catch our attention. Jones is good, and Tucker seems fine in his sporadic parts. Charlize Theron seems to be in full on "I'm a real actor mode", no longer wanting to be a sex symbol. She's fine, nothing too special here.

The movie is just slow, and not very interesting. I say pass ...

Birthday.

Good evening faithful readers. Today is May 18th, today is my birthday. Many things have happened on May 18th. It is sometimes Victoria Day, Mt. St. Helens erupted on it, and it is the birthday of
Our last pope(JP II)
Reggie Jackson
El Guapo
Chow Yun-Fat
Tina Fey
Jessica Cutler, an old friend from elementary school (*not safe for work)(same year as me too)
Stephen Geller
...
Me !

I was born on this day in 1978, which makes me 30 and officially over the hill. To celebrate this momentous occasion, a trip was made to Atlantic city, featuring Dan, Yoni, Steve(Geller) and myself. We decided to stay at the Borgata, which was very expensive but sounded worth it. The drive down took about 8 hours which sucked, but we all met up and silliness ensued.

So what happened this weekend? Nothing too crazy to be honest, but we had a lot of fun. We played some table games, I showed my skills at poker, and I was briefly stricken with the disease known as lobstermania(I caught it from Yoni). I also have a bad beat story from the WSOP satellite I played in. I won't bore you with it here but I'll tell anyone who asks.

Our room in the Borgata was fairly disappointing, but the hotel itself was an experience. It has restaurants, clubs, stores, and lots and lots of gambling. I didn't leave the hotel from Friday when we got there til Sunday when we checked out, I didn't need to. Sunday we had brunch at a local place called The Pirate's Den, where Yoni gave them an Oreo cake to serve us, complete with trick candles.

Now I'm home again, we'll see how long I can stretch this thing out.

American Gladiators

American Gladiators(the new one, season 2). I've been wondering lately what is wrong with my movie consumption. I think right now it's the Red Sox. They're taking up an awful lot of my evening time, taking the place of 3-4 movies a week, minimum,

Sunday night was the season premiere of the new American Gladiators, and I watched it tonight. Overall I'm happy with the additions this season. There are a few new events that seem fun, and many of the older ones have been spiced up. We also have a few new gladiators, last season's contender champions among them. On the women's side they have sexed appealed it up, adding two attractive female gladiators to bring their grand total to two. On the men's side, they have brought in Rocket who, while also adding some sex appeal, seems to be only fit for chasing on the wall.

First of all I'm very glad I was watching this on DVR. There's almost as much fluff in AG as in the Olympics. Skipping ahead in 30 second chunks has rarely been so useful. They try to make us care about these useless overly energetic wannabes, with time they could use on another event. I love the events, but despise the fluff.

Speaking of fluff, the second set of male contenders featured a man with a prosthetic leg.
"I want to prove I can do anything". Well, you can't. Lame Lame Lame(ha!). It's like when there was the little person on the Amazing Race, who kept shouting she could do anything then complaining when people wouldn't help her pathetic flailing at things she needed to reach, eventually crying that it wasn't fair. This contestant, John, was just terrible. He was awful at every event, he should have been embarrassed to prove that he in fact couldn't do the same things as his two legged opponent(The Wall was the worst event, as Wolf visibly started late, then climbed slowly trying to make John feel like he had a chance). Then came the Eliminator. I thought the two women in the first match up each taking over 10 minutes to finish had been bad. John struggled to swim, then kept getting his prosthetic caught in the cargo net. He limped his way to the travelator, the clock no longer displayed. Unable to climb after several attempts(edited to seem like not as much time) they turned off the damn conveyor belt. John barely walked up even still, then he was greeted with a heroes welcome at the end. Really? That's worth celebrating? He was bad at every event, and had to cheat just to finish. Bravo gimpy, bravo.

The show is still fun, but lets concentrate on the athletic events, not the autistic students or underdog stories.

Bottle Rocket

Bottle Rocket. Wes Anderson's first film. Starring a very young Luke and Owen Wilson. I acquired this DVD recently, and question why I had never heard of it. I like the actors and the director, I like quirky comedies, and I'm in touch with movies in general. I wonder how it slipped through my fingers. Margo saw it a long time ago and recommended it, so here we go.

Well, two things become immediately obvious :
This is indeed a Wes Anderson movie
This is one of his early works

Anderson has a style all his own, somehow creating characters and settings independent of time or place. He also has a fondness for the Wilson brothers, as they seem to be in all of his projects. Bottle Rocket is fairly slow going, and is more of a character study than a story. Not all that much happens, but we're given a lot of strange dialogue and interaction. Anderson gives a boutique role to James Caan and manages to get a funny part for Kumar Pallana(playing Kumar), who works his way into each of Anderson's films.

It's a slice of bizarre life in the American southwest, and it's entertaining if you're not expecting a masterpiece. Certainly worth it for Wes Anderson fans. Check it out if you get a chance.

10,000 B.C.

10,000 B.C. It looked very intriguing when it came to theaters, and even though it would most likely be bad I still wanted to see it. I finally got my opportunity today. I expected something similar to Apocalypto, which was bad(like a 4 out of 10 maybe), but not as horrendous as everyone seemed to write. I believe some of the bad reviews it garnered were anti-Mel Gibson sentiment.

10kbc is bad. Very bad. Very Very bad. Much worse than Apocalypto. I think the decision to subtitle was very good in Apoc, the decision to have everyone speak English in 10kbc was a poor one. It was ridiculous. The idea that they would have a complex spoken language in 12 thousand years ago is just silly. That a whole other race would speak it fluently(complete with idioms) after meeting one man for a short period of time is sillier. That men could speak English to our hero, and real time translate with someone speaking a third language entirely from a few hundred yards away is the silliest yet. Language was far from the movie's only problems. The geography and technology were both so out of place one wonders why they bothered trying to say it was earth, or naming it as a specific time in history.

OK, time to stop picking on details. The acting? Terrible. Writing? Maybe it was written by the woolly mammoths they must have spent so much money CGI'ing. The score was over the top and completely inappropriate. I watch a lot of bad movies(as you can see here). I don't mind watching bad movies, I have fun with them. 10,000 BC however, wasn't fun to watch. If I wasn't reviewing it, I would have turned it off pretty quickly. The writer and director should be punished for this result. What's that you say? They're the same person? And he produced it too? For shame Roland Emmerich, for shame. He has a history of bad, large scale movies. I'm honestly surprised he didn't make Waterworld, whose level of disaster nears 10kbc.

Don't see this movie. Or see it for free. Don't give any more money to such a bad project. Maybe Emmerich will stop making movies, or maybe not. One can only hope ...

(PS, as I write this, The Last Castle is on TV. A guard in a tower just shot a prisoner in the head from about a hundred yards with a shotgun. A shotgun. And it only made an entry and exit hole. Huh? How many things are wrong with that?)

Pootie Tang

Pootie Tang. When I came out with my top 5 list, I was asked by a coworker about 'Pootie Tang'. I saw it a long time ago I think, but I didn't really remember it. That isn't necessarily a bad sign, as I've most likely forgotten more movies than most people have seen. I'm not holding it against PT. So I got it from Netflix, and here we go.

Pootie is written by Louis CK, who I think is a terribly underrated and hilarious writer and comic. I was sad when Lucky Louie was cancelled after just one season. Our star/hero is Pootie Tang, played by Lance Crouther who hasn't done much else. But the ensemble cast around him is great. Chris Rock plays a number of roles, and the hilarious JB Smoove(who was most recently fantastic in Curb) is his lifelong friend and sidekick, Dave Attell is the right-hand man of the bad guy, and Jennifer Coolidge is the (very abusive)evil seductress, and the off the wall Wanda Sykes is our female protagonist/voice of reason.

Pootie speaks charming gibberish, and he's always too cool for whatever situation he's in. The film is campy and terrific, and I loved every minute of it. Each character is well cast and well placed, and the movie is short and sweet. We even have a couple of actors from the Wire, Dirty Dee and Froggie.

If you like silly comedies, check it out.

Top TV Shows

I have done a top 5 Movies list, and I wanted to do a couple of other lists. Movies 6-10 will come some day, probably this summer, I have to really sit down and think about it. First I will do a top 5 TV shows.

I want to provide two Caveats :
1) These are shows I find it most enjoyable to watch. This is not the highest quality shows, as when I was thinking about it, that was too boring.
2) I am not including any cartoons on here, as at least one(not one you'd guess) would be on this list. I am going to come up with a separate list for animation.


1) Seinfeld. Totally cliched but what can I do? If I didn't make it #1 it would be for the sake of trying to be different. No thanks. Seinfeld was consistently funny, and it pervades our culture. Larry David and Jerry gave us phrases, situations, stereotypes, all sorts of things that have really become a part of our lexicon. With four of TV's more memorable characters starring, memorable fringe characters(Newman, Peterman) and a never ending bevvy of beauties Jerry dated, Seinfeld excelled in every way. It was funny the first time, it's funny the second time. Any time Seinfeld is on it's good for a laugh.

2) The Wire. I've said it before, I'll say it again. While the Wire was on, it was the best show on television. I've seen many many shows, movies, plays, etc. The Wire was simply amazing. Terrific cast, writing, pace, set, stories. Just so well done. If you didn't watch the Wire, you can't take violence, or you're simply crazy. Only two options.

3) Flight of the Conchords. Genius, pure Kiwi genius. Bret and Jemaine(real and character names) are each terribly funny. Their interactions are funny. Their manager Murray is hilarious, and how he handles the band, his life, and his job are original and knee slapping. Mel is creepy and endearing at the same time, and I like the music so much I bought the CD. If you like quirky comedy, you should certainly check it out.

4) To Catch a Predator. I enjoy laughing at the discomfort of others, and predator is jam packed. Weird, creepy guys, overzealous cops. And the justifiably smarmiest TV show host this side of Gene Rayburn. I just can't get enough of these guys begging Chris Hansen for mercy and telling him about their families, good jobs, and responsible lives, outside of the whole sex-with-12-year -olds habit.

5) High Stakes Poker. Strange choice here. But, if you consider that there are a spate of poker shows out there, and this is the only one that gets it right it makes sense. Gabe Kaplan is blessed with a comedic mind, and a wealth of poker knowledge and experience. His rapport with AJ Benza is pure gold. High Stakes Poker is played with the largest stacks, and it's a cash game so there's a higher quality of play. They get all of the biggest name professionals, as well as amateurs ranging from dead money(LV gynecologist Dr. Amir Nassiri) to ringers (Cirque de Soleil creator Guy Laliberte). Poker After Dark is fun, but it's a tournament format and there's a severe lack of commentating. HSP is the best of a burgeoning genre, and I love to watch it.


Notably left off :

All animation, see above.

Little Britain. Terrific, hilarious show. However, the recent emergence of That Mitchell and Webb Look makes it less unique. Still terrific, but got bumped out of the top 5

The Office. Terrific show. I don't miss it. It's terribly funny, but I can't separate out the US and UK versions well enough, and similar humor can be seen in other Carell and Gervais projects.
Extras is terrific too.

The Ultimate Fighter. Great reality TV, without most of the contrived drama. And good UFC action. There's a lot to like here, it's just not a ton better than Top Chef or a few others, so it didn't quite make the top.

More later, I'd love to hear your opinions.

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Harold and Kumar 2. I loved the first one, so did my dearest Mugs. Wed has become date night(no more trivia) so we went to the rustic Capitol Theater in Arlington to see the latest installment. Found a good parking spot, bought some popcorn and Sierra Mist, giddy up.

As we watched the previews, the only other people in the theater were three teenagers, who talked loudly and seemed to be texting each other from adjacent seats. As the movie began, a few more groups of 20 somethings stomped(literally) in, and Margo and I got the impression we were the only ones there who weren't high(or on something).

HK2 picks up mere days(possibly hours) after HK1, their plan to go to Amsterdam now ready to go. Kal Penn is his usual irresponsible genius self, these two kind of remind me of Vince Vaughn and John Favreau. Though I guess a lot of 'buddy films' have a similar dynamic. Lots and lots of stupid humor here, which I liked.

Drug jokes, kneeing in the balls, and tons of gratuitous nudity. Neil Patrick Harris again helps out our dynamic duo, and we're treated to the over-the-top comic stylings of Rob Corddry(and a short but funny cameo from Ed Helms). One thing neither of us liked was the prolonged scene with 'George Bush'. Not necessary and not very funny to be honest, though there was one memorably funny line that I can't really repeat here.

If you like Kal Penn, or John Cho, or Harold and Kumar, or drug movies, go see it. Very funny. Margo wasn't crazy about it, if she can put together her counterpoint I'll put it up. Also, please note the slight format change on the left. Thank you :)

--
Here's Margo's short response
--

*************
I agree with Cris on many of the points especially the parody of
"George Bush." The whole "our president is stupid," just isn't working
for us anymore as a country. It didn't work during the first or second
election so move on. No one cares enough to do anything about it and
the joke is old anyway.

The actual counterpoint I have to Cris's review is the lame jokes about
Guantanamo Bay. Over the top scenarios, something maybe Sacha Baron
Cohen could cook up, I can see really enjoying. But HK2 falls short of
that by so much that the scenes in the beginning at the jail looked
like they belonged in "Ernest Goes to Guantanamo Bay."

~m

The Forbidden Kingdom

The Forbidden Kingdom. A new martial arts tale for American audiences, starring Jet Li and Jackie Chan! Together on screen for the first time ever! This alone should bring plenty of folks out to see it. On this Sunday matinee, it brought three of my friends(well, two really) and myself out to see it on the big screen.

First let me apologize to that third friend. They thought we were seeing another movie, due to a miscommunication. During the opening credits it dawned on me that they just realized we were seeing Forbidden Kingdom, and I was greatly amused but a bit contrite. There are three main elements to this movie : Jet Li, Jackie Chan, everything else. I'll address them separately.

First, Jet Li. As many of you know, I'm a huge Jet Li fanboy. I love love love him. He was great. Both as the Monkey King, and the seeker(Silent) monk. He projects his power well, and his Kung Fu is very strong, very strong indeed. I like how he talks, how he doesn't talk, and I love how he fights. If you're a Jet Li fan, you'll enjoy his performance.

Jackie Chan made me trepiditious about this movie. He hasn't been anything good in a long time. Longer then I can remember. He's so into making crappy comedy these days all of the elements of his work suffer. In the beginning of the movie when he's playing the old shopkeeper he was this old self. Bad Lines, bad delivery. He started to lose me. But, when we're in the 'other times', when Jackie reprises probably his most beloved role as the Drunken Master, all is well. He is genuinely funny, completely in character, and totally kick ass. Really good stuff.

The rest of the movie. Well, the story is fairly formulaic quest-movie stuff. While Sparrow is pretty, I don't know if any of the other characters in the movie will move you. The fact that the modern part is set in Boston is extremely laughable. Unbelievable even. It's almost not even comical it's so ridiculous. There is beautiful scenery throughout, and even though they're on the same side, and it's not the main showdown, we get a good dose of Li/Chan fighting. Enough to satisfy for sure. It felt like when we finally got to see Yoda fight, but in a longer scene.

If you're a fan of Martial Arts, or Jackie Chan, or Jet Li, see this movie. It's a lot of fun, and pretty cool. And if you know Jet Li, get me his email address. Thanks.

Blue Harvest

Family Guy Presents : Blue Harvest. I thought this was an actual movie for a while, not just an extended episode of the show that aired on TV. I waited for a long time to see it, and I finally got a copy of it on DVD so I watched it, and I'm reviewing it like it's a normal movie(a 42 minute movie). I'm also going to call it FGSW(Family Guy Star Wars) because I don't want to type out the whole name every time. I'm sure you won't hold it against me.

Let me preface(I guess the second paragraph of a review can't really be a preface, but deal with it) with this : I am a very large fan of Star Wars, Family Guy, and remakes. So my opinion of the movie will obviously be slightly skewed, but at least I recognize this.

FGSW is a terrific parody. Both honoring Star Wars, and slightly mocking it, Seth MacFarlane is obviously a fan of the originals. Incorporating every character from Family Guy, FGSW keeps the laugh up throughout. One of my favorite momentary cameos is when they walk into the Cantina in Mos Eisley, there's Coach McGirk in the background. Love it! (even one of the Spaceballs characters has a small speaking part - parody of a parody)

We basically follow a modified script of episodes IV-VI, crunched into 42 minutes or so. If you're a fan of Star Wars, Family Guy, cartoons, or quirky comedy, please watch this. Totally worth it IMO, then lend me the DVD cause I'd love to see the DVD extras.

The Bank Job

I'm back! Where was I you might ask? A little reading, a lot of TV. Some pool, and a lot more sleep. And who suffers? You, my faithful readers. I'd like to apologize for my prolonged absence. Well, I have made my triumphant return, I promise I'll review more consistently again.

----

The Bank Job. British caper film starring Jason Statham. What's not to like? Set in the 70's, we're chock full of retro cars and outfits, peppered with base cockney.

Boy was I wrong. A few short minutes into the film, we are given the weak, poorly set up, and not very original premise(I don't even think it's worth explaining). Not a good start. Extremely strange chemistry between the mains, and overacting by all aren't even close to being saved by lots of gratuitous nudity(or the lovely Saffron Burrows).

The director seems to think that suspense can be created by merely sound effects. In a scene lacking emotion or drama of any kind, we are treated to the 'bum-bum bum bum' of a heartbeat. Like our heart should be racing. Really? How about well written lines. How about actors reacting to situations appropriately. Terrible, just terrible.

If I had had anything at all to do with this movie I'd be too embarrassed to tell anyone. I can't believe it was released for public consumption, even given people's penchant for terrible and stupid movies. I just don't get it.

Zebraman.

Zebraman. This is a film by Takashi Miike, who specializes in drawn out horrory films. He brought us such gems as One Missed Call(the original), Audition, Ichi the Killer(which is uber-violent and worth seeing) and the Dead or Alive series(no not like the video games).

Zebraman was Miike's trip into the nonsensical. I think he was sick of making films that were too serious, and this is how he blew off some steam. The buildup of the movie features typical Japanese craziness, useless characters and heaps of slow moving social awkwardness.

Our hero is a terribly strange school teacher who dreams of being a character from an old, cancelled TV show called Zebraman. After trials and tribulations, he is called to fight an alien menace threatening his town, Japan, and ultimately the earth. Will he succeed where the TV character could not? Watch and see.

Zabraman is like the definition of Campy, if you were reading the Japanese wikipedia. Cheesy wardrobe and hokey story serve to endear the film more than anything else. It's like the weird kid in class, it's kind of interesting to watch what they're doing.

If you can live through a slow movie with an even slower beginning, and over the top silliness from a horror director, I say check it out. Netflix has it, and one copy is on the way back to the warehouse.

Outlaw

Outlaw. Another mysterious Netflix selection. Came in the mail recently and it looks interesting. British, violent, crime drama. I like Sean Bean, why not?

First impression. This is a fairly large budget movie with big stars. But it has a strangely small production values. Extremely shaky filming. Like Blair Witch on stationary targets, 10 years later. It's not original or appropriate, and just ends up annoying you. Then there's the lighting. Maybe they couldn't afford enough lights for the set? The director was no doubt trying to be edgy with these effects, but failed miserably.

The story we follow is thin, and doesn't really stick with you. Why are these people doing this again? Why do they keep quitting then coming back then quitting then showing up again? Sean Bean looks like what he's supposed to be I suppose, but Lennie James (I only know him from Snatch..., oh and Jericho) was a terribly unconvincing Barrister.

I always like Bob Hoskins, I think Outlaw could have used a bigger dose. Overall, the movie came in with low expectations, and barely lived up to that. Not interesting, well shot or well acted. Maybe if you're doing something and need background noise, but please don't pay a cent to view this.

Becoming Jane

Becoming Jane. Another Victorian movie with a weak premise and mediocre actors. Anne Hathaway is hot, but other than Devil Wears Prada(and Havoc to some extent) she is a really sub par actress. James McAvoy, similarly was good in Last King of Scotland but really seems to be getting along by the fact that women find him attractive. Pretty weak for the mains in a big production movie. I wish I could blame it on the writers strike, but Hollywood kind of sucks these days.

Another thing that bothers me : Hathaway(an American) is playing a Brit. And McAvoy(a Scot) is playing an Irishman. Are we supposed to be stupid and not notice? Hathaway at least pretends to have a British accent, but McAvoy maintains completely his Scottish Brogue. Not one word he utters sounds authentic. If you were Irish OR Scottish wouldn't that make you upset? I'm willing to speak out. Make it stop, now! There are plenty of European actors with experience, looks, and ability. Lets get some people who are actually from the country they play to be from. Please, I implore you.

If you're engaged in crude fisticuffs with someone, hitting, being hit, and someone speaks your name. Not yells, not shouts urgently but speaks. Do you stop fighting completely and stare at them? Apparently James McAvoy does, and gets knocked out. Repeatedly.

When one makes a film that's supposed to be gripping, you're supposed to care about the characters? Hathaway and McAvoy were completely unlikeable. They started out vapid and annoying, and just declined from there. My co-worker said I should name the review 'Becoming Lame' I agree.

See at your own risk.

The Seven Year Itch

The Seven Year Itch. The last installment(for now) in the Marilyn portion of movie swap, my post pool movie tonight is The Seven Year Itch. I can't help feeling like I've seen the movie before, but we'll see I guess.

The main character of the movie is really Richard Sherman(Tom Ewell), a terribly frustrating man, not the lovely 'the Girl'(Marilyn Monroe). Screen time is completely disproportionally in favor of one of the most annoying movie characters I remember ever seeing. The style seems off as well. The sparsity and small number of sets made me think this was originally a play. I looked it up, and indeed it was. Starring the same Tom Ewell. This would explain a couple of things :
He overacts terribly(also a problem of the 50's in general)
He constantly speaks aloud his inner dialog. I can see how this is informative in a play, but in a movie it's really really unnecessary and stupid. Just shut up already. Really.

The movie is terribly dated, and is miles and miles from being 'The funniest comedy since laughter began!' as it is billed. The number one movie from 1955, peculiar ideas permeate. The only thing that translates is Monroe. She truly is intoxicating as 'the girl'. She would be famous in any era, which is more than I can say about most of her co stars. See it if you're into classics or Monroe, but don't expect to laugh out loud.

PS. There are two extremely brief scenes with a plumber, who is one of the scariest looking people I've ever seen.

PPS. Despite declaring at the beginning that I hadn't ever seen a Marilyn movie, I had actually seen at least 2. I guess they didn't leave a lasting impression.