Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Harold and Kumar 2. I loved the first one, so did my dearest Mugs. Wed has become date night(no more trivia) so we went to the rustic Capitol Theater in Arlington to see the latest installment. Found a good parking spot, bought some popcorn and Sierra Mist, giddy up.

As we watched the previews, the only other people in the theater were three teenagers, who talked loudly and seemed to be texting each other from adjacent seats. As the movie began, a few more groups of 20 somethings stomped(literally) in, and Margo and I got the impression we were the only ones there who weren't high(or on something).

HK2 picks up mere days(possibly hours) after HK1, their plan to go to Amsterdam now ready to go. Kal Penn is his usual irresponsible genius self, these two kind of remind me of Vince Vaughn and John Favreau. Though I guess a lot of 'buddy films' have a similar dynamic. Lots and lots of stupid humor here, which I liked.

Drug jokes, kneeing in the balls, and tons of gratuitous nudity. Neil Patrick Harris again helps out our dynamic duo, and we're treated to the over-the-top comic stylings of Rob Corddry(and a short but funny cameo from Ed Helms). One thing neither of us liked was the prolonged scene with 'George Bush'. Not necessary and not very funny to be honest, though there was one memorably funny line that I can't really repeat here.

If you like Kal Penn, or John Cho, or Harold and Kumar, or drug movies, go see it. Very funny. Margo wasn't crazy about it, if she can put together her counterpoint I'll put it up. Also, please note the slight format change on the left. Thank you :)

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Here's Margo's short response
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I agree with Cris on many of the points especially the parody of
"George Bush." The whole "our president is stupid," just isn't working
for us anymore as a country. It didn't work during the first or second
election so move on. No one cares enough to do anything about it and
the joke is old anyway.

The actual counterpoint I have to Cris's review is the lame jokes about
Guantanamo Bay. Over the top scenarios, something maybe Sacha Baron
Cohen could cook up, I can see really enjoying. But HK2 falls short of
that by so much that the scenes in the beginning at the jail looked
like they belonged in "Ernest Goes to Guantanamo Bay."

~m

The Forbidden Kingdom

The Forbidden Kingdom. A new martial arts tale for American audiences, starring Jet Li and Jackie Chan! Together on screen for the first time ever! This alone should bring plenty of folks out to see it. On this Sunday matinee, it brought three of my friends(well, two really) and myself out to see it on the big screen.

First let me apologize to that third friend. They thought we were seeing another movie, due to a miscommunication. During the opening credits it dawned on me that they just realized we were seeing Forbidden Kingdom, and I was greatly amused but a bit contrite. There are three main elements to this movie : Jet Li, Jackie Chan, everything else. I'll address them separately.

First, Jet Li. As many of you know, I'm a huge Jet Li fanboy. I love love love him. He was great. Both as the Monkey King, and the seeker(Silent) monk. He projects his power well, and his Kung Fu is very strong, very strong indeed. I like how he talks, how he doesn't talk, and I love how he fights. If you're a Jet Li fan, you'll enjoy his performance.

Jackie Chan made me trepiditious about this movie. He hasn't been anything good in a long time. Longer then I can remember. He's so into making crappy comedy these days all of the elements of his work suffer. In the beginning of the movie when he's playing the old shopkeeper he was this old self. Bad Lines, bad delivery. He started to lose me. But, when we're in the 'other times', when Jackie reprises probably his most beloved role as the Drunken Master, all is well. He is genuinely funny, completely in character, and totally kick ass. Really good stuff.

The rest of the movie. Well, the story is fairly formulaic quest-movie stuff. While Sparrow is pretty, I don't know if any of the other characters in the movie will move you. The fact that the modern part is set in Boston is extremely laughable. Unbelievable even. It's almost not even comical it's so ridiculous. There is beautiful scenery throughout, and even though they're on the same side, and it's not the main showdown, we get a good dose of Li/Chan fighting. Enough to satisfy for sure. It felt like when we finally got to see Yoda fight, but in a longer scene.

If you're a fan of Martial Arts, or Jackie Chan, or Jet Li, see this movie. It's a lot of fun, and pretty cool. And if you know Jet Li, get me his email address. Thanks.

Blue Harvest

Family Guy Presents : Blue Harvest. I thought this was an actual movie for a while, not just an extended episode of the show that aired on TV. I waited for a long time to see it, and I finally got a copy of it on DVD so I watched it, and I'm reviewing it like it's a normal movie(a 42 minute movie). I'm also going to call it FGSW(Family Guy Star Wars) because I don't want to type out the whole name every time. I'm sure you won't hold it against me.

Let me preface(I guess the second paragraph of a review can't really be a preface, but deal with it) with this : I am a very large fan of Star Wars, Family Guy, and remakes. So my opinion of the movie will obviously be slightly skewed, but at least I recognize this.

FGSW is a terrific parody. Both honoring Star Wars, and slightly mocking it, Seth MacFarlane is obviously a fan of the originals. Incorporating every character from Family Guy, FGSW keeps the laugh up throughout. One of my favorite momentary cameos is when they walk into the Cantina in Mos Eisley, there's Coach McGirk in the background. Love it! (even one of the Spaceballs characters has a small speaking part - parody of a parody)

We basically follow a modified script of episodes IV-VI, crunched into 42 minutes or so. If you're a fan of Star Wars, Family Guy, cartoons, or quirky comedy, please watch this. Totally worth it IMO, then lend me the DVD cause I'd love to see the DVD extras.

The Bank Job

I'm back! Where was I you might ask? A little reading, a lot of TV. Some pool, and a lot more sleep. And who suffers? You, my faithful readers. I'd like to apologize for my prolonged absence. Well, I have made my triumphant return, I promise I'll review more consistently again.

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The Bank Job. British caper film starring Jason Statham. What's not to like? Set in the 70's, we're chock full of retro cars and outfits, peppered with base cockney.

Boy was I wrong. A few short minutes into the film, we are given the weak, poorly set up, and not very original premise(I don't even think it's worth explaining). Not a good start. Extremely strange chemistry between the mains, and overacting by all aren't even close to being saved by lots of gratuitous nudity(or the lovely Saffron Burrows).

The director seems to think that suspense can be created by merely sound effects. In a scene lacking emotion or drama of any kind, we are treated to the 'bum-bum bum bum' of a heartbeat. Like our heart should be racing. Really? How about well written lines. How about actors reacting to situations appropriately. Terrible, just terrible.

If I had had anything at all to do with this movie I'd be too embarrassed to tell anyone. I can't believe it was released for public consumption, even given people's penchant for terrible and stupid movies. I just don't get it.

Zebraman.

Zebraman. This is a film by Takashi Miike, who specializes in drawn out horrory films. He brought us such gems as One Missed Call(the original), Audition, Ichi the Killer(which is uber-violent and worth seeing) and the Dead or Alive series(no not like the video games).

Zebraman was Miike's trip into the nonsensical. I think he was sick of making films that were too serious, and this is how he blew off some steam. The buildup of the movie features typical Japanese craziness, useless characters and heaps of slow moving social awkwardness.

Our hero is a terribly strange school teacher who dreams of being a character from an old, cancelled TV show called Zebraman. After trials and tribulations, he is called to fight an alien menace threatening his town, Japan, and ultimately the earth. Will he succeed where the TV character could not? Watch and see.

Zabraman is like the definition of Campy, if you were reading the Japanese wikipedia. Cheesy wardrobe and hokey story serve to endear the film more than anything else. It's like the weird kid in class, it's kind of interesting to watch what they're doing.

If you can live through a slow movie with an even slower beginning, and over the top silliness from a horror director, I say check it out. Netflix has it, and one copy is on the way back to the warehouse.

Outlaw

Outlaw. Another mysterious Netflix selection. Came in the mail recently and it looks interesting. British, violent, crime drama. I like Sean Bean, why not?

First impression. This is a fairly large budget movie with big stars. But it has a strangely small production values. Extremely shaky filming. Like Blair Witch on stationary targets, 10 years later. It's not original or appropriate, and just ends up annoying you. Then there's the lighting. Maybe they couldn't afford enough lights for the set? The director was no doubt trying to be edgy with these effects, but failed miserably.

The story we follow is thin, and doesn't really stick with you. Why are these people doing this again? Why do they keep quitting then coming back then quitting then showing up again? Sean Bean looks like what he's supposed to be I suppose, but Lennie James (I only know him from Snatch..., oh and Jericho) was a terribly unconvincing Barrister.

I always like Bob Hoskins, I think Outlaw could have used a bigger dose. Overall, the movie came in with low expectations, and barely lived up to that. Not interesting, well shot or well acted. Maybe if you're doing something and need background noise, but please don't pay a cent to view this.

Becoming Jane

Becoming Jane. Another Victorian movie with a weak premise and mediocre actors. Anne Hathaway is hot, but other than Devil Wears Prada(and Havoc to some extent) she is a really sub par actress. James McAvoy, similarly was good in Last King of Scotland but really seems to be getting along by the fact that women find him attractive. Pretty weak for the mains in a big production movie. I wish I could blame it on the writers strike, but Hollywood kind of sucks these days.

Another thing that bothers me : Hathaway(an American) is playing a Brit. And McAvoy(a Scot) is playing an Irishman. Are we supposed to be stupid and not notice? Hathaway at least pretends to have a British accent, but McAvoy maintains completely his Scottish Brogue. Not one word he utters sounds authentic. If you were Irish OR Scottish wouldn't that make you upset? I'm willing to speak out. Make it stop, now! There are plenty of European actors with experience, looks, and ability. Lets get some people who are actually from the country they play to be from. Please, I implore you.

If you're engaged in crude fisticuffs with someone, hitting, being hit, and someone speaks your name. Not yells, not shouts urgently but speaks. Do you stop fighting completely and stare at them? Apparently James McAvoy does, and gets knocked out. Repeatedly.

When one makes a film that's supposed to be gripping, you're supposed to care about the characters? Hathaway and McAvoy were completely unlikeable. They started out vapid and annoying, and just declined from there. My co-worker said I should name the review 'Becoming Lame' I agree.

See at your own risk.

The Seven Year Itch

The Seven Year Itch. The last installment(for now) in the Marilyn portion of movie swap, my post pool movie tonight is The Seven Year Itch. I can't help feeling like I've seen the movie before, but we'll see I guess.

The main character of the movie is really Richard Sherman(Tom Ewell), a terribly frustrating man, not the lovely 'the Girl'(Marilyn Monroe). Screen time is completely disproportionally in favor of one of the most annoying movie characters I remember ever seeing. The style seems off as well. The sparsity and small number of sets made me think this was originally a play. I looked it up, and indeed it was. Starring the same Tom Ewell. This would explain a couple of things :
He overacts terribly(also a problem of the 50's in general)
He constantly speaks aloud his inner dialog. I can see how this is informative in a play, but in a movie it's really really unnecessary and stupid. Just shut up already. Really.

The movie is terribly dated, and is miles and miles from being 'The funniest comedy since laughter began!' as it is billed. The number one movie from 1955, peculiar ideas permeate. The only thing that translates is Monroe. She truly is intoxicating as 'the girl'. She would be famous in any era, which is more than I can say about most of her co stars. See it if you're into classics or Monroe, but don't expect to laugh out loud.

PS. There are two extremely brief scenes with a plumber, who is one of the scariest looking people I've ever seen.

PPS. Despite declaring at the beginning that I hadn't ever seen a Marilyn movie, I had actually seen at least 2. I guess they didn't leave a lasting impression.

An Affair to Remember

An Affair to Remember. I have two more classics to watch before I get back to my Netflix queue. A friend lent me 'Affair' a couple of weeks ago, but the first time I had to run out of the house in the middle of the showing. Home on Sunday, just put the laundry in, lets check it out.

Affair stars Cary Grant, one of history's most remarkable screen presences. He's handsome, confident, so self assured. He seems like he could make almost anything watchable. At 53, he still comes across as vibrant and full of youthful energy, wooing a much younger woman doesn't seem quite so ridiculous(as say, Fred Astaire). Opposite Grant is Deborah Kerr, who holds her own quite well. Pretty and coquettish, Kerr trades looks and quips with Grant stride for stride.

This is another film set on an ocean cruise, as many movies in the 50's seem to be. Mugs and I have discussed trying to imagine that being the big style of a swanky vacation. Journeys greeted by ticker-tape and a dock of awaiting friends and family. Voyages being such a big deal. Can't. I can't imagine.

The story is nice, and is the inspiration for Sleepless in Seattle, among other films(though it's a remake itself). One can't help but be charmed by Grant and Kerr, definitely recommended if you're in the mood for a slightly cheesy romance.