Thursday, December 27, 2018

The Mummy

The Mummy

My mom is in town for a few more days, and she likes very similar movies to me. She also(like me) doesn't mind watching terrible films. Enter The Mummy. Not to be confused with The Mummy. Seemed apropos to be watching it with my Mommy. Faithful readers and friends will know I'm a big fan of Tom Cruise. Or at least have been. he is losing me with every film he makes. He's always yelling, and always running. It's tedious. Don't get me started on his portrayal of Jack Reacher. Aaaaanyways...
This movie is really terrible. My mother lives in Egypt now, and couldn't stop complaining that they didn't seem to do any research into the region. They inexplicably involved Dr Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde really really poorly. The female love interest in for some reason a whopping 22 years younger than Cruise. It's 2018 people, can we please at least pretend women are important for like one movie? Please?
The lone bright spot is Jake Johnson, who acts like himself in everything, but was good.

I'd pass on this for sure, just watch the preview, it's way better than the actual movie. 

Monday, December 24, 2018

Midnight Meat Train

Midnight Meat Train.
Sounds like a late night skinimax right? Well, it's actually a B-movie horror film starring Bradley Cooper and Vinnie Jones. Weird, right? Yes, definitely.
Stylistically it felt like a Korean indie film, or a pretty mild Miike v-cinema project.
Interesting tidbit from IMDB :

Budget:

$15,000,000


Gross USA:

 $83,361

Cumulative Worldwide Gross:

 $3,533,227

Oucha magouch. Well, it isn't that bad. It may you wondering what the hell you just did with your life for 100 minutes, but it's certainly interesting. Check it out of you want to see something pretty outside the box. 

Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation. If you know me, and judging by my ever dwindling following, chances are you do, you know that I like Terminator. I like the movies, I like the TV show, I like the concept, I like the music. You get the picture. T3 was pretty lame, and seemed like a terrible way to end this very interesting franchise.
But this year we got the TV show, which I love, and now a new Terminator installment starring none other than Christian Bale. Best actor in the series since Linda Hamilton. Well, that's where the good news stops. This movie is a confused mess, and none of it makes any sense at all. it's not even worth getting into. They're making yet another Terminator movie this year, this one ignoring that 3 and Salvation ever happened. You should do the same. 

Adventureland

Adventureland
I thought it was going to be a goofy buddy movie. Not so. Very cute coming of age tale. Should hold up over time. Jesse Eisenberg before he started playing exclusively insufferable characters was actually good. I think at this point I trust Martin Starr's judgement to watch pretty much anything he's in. Ok I watched this in 2009 and started the review then, but just realized the female lead is Kristin Stewart. This is right around when Twilight came out, how her life has changed since...

Worth watching for sure, you won'd be disappointed. 

Afro Samurai

Afro Samurai : Resurrection.
Wow. Holy freaking wow. It's like Samurai Champloo but with better music and none of the annoying anime mugging for the camera. BTW, if you like samurai and animation you need to check out Samurai Champloo, quickly. The tale of Afro Samurai is long and very cool, and you should really watch the TV show(an extremely watchable 5 part series). Terrific animation, cool story, lots of violence and the voice work stylings of one Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. I think he's a very good actor, but his voice work is even better.

[the above was written in 2008: since then Samuel has made some really really bad movies, but his voice work is still top notch]

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Appaloosa

Appaloosa.
Western starring someone or other. I'm in. I like modern westerns. The movie is fairly long, which is why it took me a while to get around to watching it, but here we go.

A-Ha! The stars are Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson. This is a good thing. I like Ed Harris a lot, and he seems made for a good western(though I've never seen him in one), with his steely stares and uncompromising hardness. I'm also a big Viggo fan. While he did get a little boring in the Lord of the Rings movies, he was thoroughly enjoyable in A History of Violence, and Eastern Promises(which had a crazy nude fight to the death). Viggo seems like one of those way too intense guys like Val Kilmer. While they're both very good actors, people sometimes don't like being in movies with them because they get too intensely into their character, 'bump' too hard when doing their own stunts, and other things casual actors get annoyed/intimidated by.

[2018 Edit - Maybe this was the inspiration for Harris' amazing role in Westworld

Taken

Taken.
[2008 take] Holy kick ass Liam Neeson. Old guys can still bring it I guess. Not since Rob Roy(in fact, including Rob Roy) has Liam been this action starry.

[2018 take] Welp, this hasn't really aged well. Neeson went on to make Taken 2, 3, maybe 4? He has parodied himself, and was kind of everywhere for a while. Sadly, when he wife died he started taking any movie offered to distract him from his depression, and it shows unfortunately.

In 2014, Neeson opened up about losing Richardson in an interview with 60 Minutes, saying that he turned to work to help him through his grief. 

“I’m not good without work,” he said. “I just don’t – I just don’t wallow too much. You know? And I just didn’t want to – especially for my boys – seem to be wallowing in sadness or depression.”

Batman : The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight.
Most anticipated movie of the time. I finally made it out to see it at the iMax in Reading. We went with a group of 9, and managed to all sit together, which was quite a feat. Laurel must have felt like Elaine in that Seinfeld episode saving seats for our friends who made it late.

What did they do right with this movie? Almost everything. The opening is good, the action gripping. Great production, great cast. Well directed, well costumed. I really liked this film.

[UPDATE 10 years later] - we will all remember this as Heath Ledger's masterpiece. He will forever be the standard of what other Jokers are compared against. See this for him if nothing else.

Combo post - few old drafts combined

The King of Kong. I'm kind of into documentaries about niche activities. I really enjoyed Scrabble, Crosswords, real life RPG, Starbucking, Confessions of a Superhero(really, really good), among others. I like learning about weird stuff people are into, and I like seeing the insanity these people sink to. The King of Kong features a doozy.

People love video games. I love video games. I am, however, not really into the current spate of First Person Shooter(fps) games, or the waaaay over complicated gaming systems currently representing game consoles. King of Kong brings us back to a simpler time. A time when people played in arcades, with quarters. There's even a follow-up scandal [SPOILER ALERT]

Slipstream. Weird movie. Weird weird weird movie. Disjointed and nonsensical, this movie could easily trigger and epileptic fit with its intentionally frenzied editing. Really cool cast, but I wouldn't recommend.

Waitress.
Really fun movie. Well acted, good characters. Under 2 hours, and some really good baking. If you like Keri Russell or Nathan Fillion you shouldn't miss it.

Baby Mama.
I don't understand why no one liked this movie. I thought it was very funny. Poehler and Fey have great chemistry and goof around for 99 minutes. It's like they never stopped doing weekend update!

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Old / new - Updates!

Hey folks. I have watched a few movies lately, and I am going to read a bunch of comic books.

When I logged on here to post, I see a big bunch of old drafts that I never published.

Over the next week or so I'll be putting up some old posts, and some new ones.
Stay tuned!

other things I'll do :
new top 5 TV shows
top 5 books? maybe
Update top 5 movies, though I'm not sure it's changed at all

Also, check out my podcast here :
https://soundcloud.com/small-talk-big-guys

Friday, December 23, 2011

My Mother's Safari, part 1

My mother is always up for some exploring
My mother has decided to leave the cozy confines of Dushanbe, Tajikistan to go on a photo safari in eastern Africa. She went with no one she knows, and knowledge of no local languages. She did, however, pack her spirit of adventure.
As she emails me, I'll post her updates :
"Hi -

I'm in Windhoek(Namibia), at the Chameleon Guesthouse. Unfortunately, my dufflebag isn't. There is an incoming flight at 2 pm, and I'm hoping that it will be on it.

The guesthouse is lovely. Everyone is very friendly. When people found out that my luggage was missing, the manager drove me to a gas station to get basics - toothbrush, shampoo, etc. Apparently it is not at all safe to walk outside after dusk. Or carry a purse, backpack, or camera anytime.

A girl gave me sunblock.

I'm so glad that I'm staying here!

I'm having dinner tonight with 2 Peace Corps volunteers on holiday.

The flight here was awful in parts. Leaving Dubai, going to Addis Ababa, the plane was full of people who had come to purchase things in Dubai to sell in Nigeria, etc.

No Ethiopians, to my surprise.

Anyway, the airline tried to limit the amount of hand luggage people were carrying. So a whole group mobbed the jetway and forced their way on the plane. The first I knew of it, a security guard came flying down the passage way screaming "Close the doors!" and the flight attendants closed heavy glass doors just before the plane entry doors. With me on the wrong side! When I saw all the angry poeple approaching, for a minute I thought that I was going to be squashed against the glass. But the security agent was beside me and she was calling the police on a mobile phone and that slowed down the mob. Another agent came from inside the plane, and
they let me in.
But the departure was delayed for 1 1/2 hours while they cleared the plane of all the extra stuff people had piled on their feet, etc. The overhead bins wouldn't close, and people were fighting when flight attendants went to remove excess.
So it meant that I had 5 minutes to make my next flight. And I think that that is where my luggage went missing.
I'm going out to explore the town and buy a belt to keep my pants up ( they stretched) and a tshirt.
A birding trail walk tomorrow. What a great way to spend Christmas eve!
Love, MoM (Linny)"

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Tajik travels, part I

As the header says, I'm going to post a few travel posts here, just so I have them written down somewhere...
Link to pictures here : http://picasaweb.google.com/crisshaikh/Dushanbe

Trip to Tajikistan :
Planning : Buying tickets was difficult. There are limited options for flying to Tajikistan, and very few travel sights even list it as a possible destination. It was so expensive and confusing that we went through a travel agent for the first time in my life. We opted for the travel insurance. Getting Visas was a pretty easy process, except for the fact that we had to send passports through the mail to the tajik embassy. We were able to leave our dog with Margo's parents, which is terribly convenient for us, and made our lives a lot easier.
Shopping : We bought a lot of food for the trip. American snacks- beef jerky, candy, gum for the plane. Our clothes, Christmas presents for everyone. Things for family - a variety of cheeses, tahini(Trader Joe’s doesn’t sell it, who knew), green rubbing alcohol, peanut butter, pepperoni (in Tajikistan pepperoni means sliced hot dogs).
Packing : The packing process was pretty easy. We don't really own traditional luggage, so we borrowed a Patagonia bag from Margo's sister, and used one of the bags my mom had brought to the US (she used it as a large carry-on, we used it as a smalled checked bag). We managed to fit everything into those, plus our carry-ons which are Margo's backpack, my laptop bag and an adidas tote I have.

The Trip Itself :
Boston : Terminal E has a really bad food court(at the Chinese place, sweet and sour chicken was apparently the same as General Gau’s honey chicken). On the flight from Boston to Zurich, my body has some temperature regulation issues. I have hot flashes on the flight, and we don't have those air nozzles next to our overhead lights. I sweat like crazy and Margo takes care of me. The food on the flight is pretty good. Salad seems made for me: Lettuce, julienned carrots and corn, with Ranch dressing. On the place I watched Dinner for Schmucks. Amazing cast, and I laughed out loud a bunch of times. Then I started Takers. So bad I was actually glad I got sick, and stopped watching. Matt Dillon is a hard-boiled detective? Really??
Zurich : After deplaning, there is a confusing, winding path to the tram. We get out, go towards our new gate, come out under some stairs into another security line. Emerge into anarchy. Our gate is next to the Smokers lounge. In the bathroom, which is in a poorly labeled box-like structure, there’s a fly painted inside the urinal. Apparently men pee better if there's something to aim at. I wanted to take a picture, but there were too many people in there to get a chance. We are in a tiny, disorganized waiting area. No PA, just a woman saying they’re ready to take people to Istanbul. They check our tickets, and we crowd into a small fenced in area waiting for a bus. Bus takes us to the tarmac, where we climb a metal staircase to the plane. What would this be like for someone in a wheelchair? Snacks are served, Margo and I decline. This is the shortest flight, we sleep through most of it.
Istanbul: huuuge airport. Well marked, well lit, signs and monitors everywhere. The air quality is poor, and they have the largest duty free shop I’ve ever seen. People here are friendly, most seem to speak at least English. I get a Turkish techno CD with American money(they asked to see my boarding pass for this), Margo gets Starbucks. There are optional bidets in the bathrooms. Next to our gate is an Aquamassage stand, we don't partake, which I think was the wrong decision. Waiting area is disorganized, and has another security line. People just decide to start going through it, so we do too. Now we’re in another waiting area. No announcement has been made. We are also late. One old man is asked to start boarding, the rush begins. We make it on the plane, overhead room is all taken. Isn’t it always. People here have 3, 4, 5 carry-on bags. No one is sitting in their own seats. This is the wild west, folks. People here all seem to know each other. Everyone stares at you when you walk down the aisle, like you're purposely interrupting their conversation. God forbid you need the lavatory on a 5 hour flight. Food is very good, we both get the pasta(over the chicken), it has a spicy tomato sauce, and good hot bread. On the flight we watch The Social Network together, one ear each of my Bose headphones. Mediocre movie, not enough JT, and the movie made me dislike facebook more (if that's possible). Meal was before the movie, snack after. They’re timing the food on the place based on my laptop usage.
Land in Dushanbe :
We get dropped off in the middle of a tarmac, where we get on a bus, hoping it’s the right one. On the bus we are found by our expediter, Wally (not short for anything, just Wally). We are expecting someone else (a man named Olim), but we’re happy to be found. After us, he finds his other charges, and collects us as we are dropped off at the ‘airport’. We fill out some forms, and hand them and our passports to Wally. Each immigration line has about 20 people waiting. Wally chooses the closest one, and ignores it – walking past the line, opening the little booth and handing our info to the officer. We walk over to the baggage claim area (about 10 feet away) with a Dutch man named Raul, and a couple of Tajiks. I am a little nervous about leaving our passports with someone else, when we don’t know what is going on, but I trust things will work out. After about 20 minutes we get our passports and papers back, and start waiting for luggage in earnest. After about another 20 minutes, our luggage finally comes in, on two different carousels at once. It’s hard to describe this area, but there are no signs, monitors, or anything to indicate where to go, or which luggage is coming where. I would have taken pictures, but didn’t want to risk getting in trouble without a fluent English speaker present (Wally’s is pretty thin)
Dushanbe : It’s now about 5am. We have our bags, our papers, and are ready to meet Kevin (my brother-in-law) outside. Wally takes us to the head of another line, and we go to the door. As far as I can tell, this is the only door exiting the airport, it’s a wooden door about 3 feet wide. Leaving this door, you are greeted with a seething mass of humanity. Beggars, people selling goods, taxi drivers, other professions I can’t identify. Their droning offers and entreaties blend together so it feels like being in a zombie movie: this is your shuffling mass. We push through without buying or giving anything to anyone, and confidently refuse all Taxis as we have a ride waiting for us. Behind the initial crush of people is Kevin. Our drive home is a quick and tired one.




Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Doubt

Doubt. This movie has had some buzz for a while. It was nominated for academy awards before it even came out, has a strong cast, and no one seemed to know anything about it. Then it kind of went away. I had a chance to watch it, and most of my alternatives were horror movies so I went with it.

Priests. Nuns, catholic school. Strictness, religious services. I see. Meryl Streep is convincingly scary, Amy Adams is adorable and naive. Philip Seymour-Hoffman is ... well ... weird? I'm a big fan of PS-H. His range constantly impresses me. But he's weird in Doubt. I don't think it's just how his character is supposed to be, I think it's a bad role for him. The children were pretty unremarkable, as I guess they were supposed to be. There was a brief, slightly stirring scene involving Viola Davis, and I always like to see Ray Finkle's mother getting work.
Overall, the movie didn't really stand out to me. It was pretty boring, and took me a while to finish as I kept falling asleep. I'd say stay away unless you have a specific reason to watch it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Sex and the City

Sex AND the City. I always call it Sex in the city. That's basically what it is. The loving wife recently watched this clunker while I was at work. Since I'll never watch it, I asked her to review it. Here we go :


"I recently watched 'Sex and the City: The Movie,' long after it's release for two reasons: 1) I was alone at home and 2) it was free on HBO. The alone part is necessary because my husband makes rude noises during the show(and most of the time for that matter - but it's worse during the show). The free part is because I am both cheap when it comes to movies and unemployed.

I give this movie a check-minus-minus. The writing was awful, the plot was boring, the characters seemed less interesting than in the series, and overall it was soul-less. Although I didn't think the TV series was extraordinarily relevant or compelling, at least it entertained me for a full hour. The movie was over 2 hours and didn't hold my attention for half of that.

Picture it: Manhattan, 2008. The movie begins by showing highlights of the sexual exploits of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte's lives and the fairytale romantic ending each found at the close of the cable series in 2004.

That's where it stopped being interesting. The writing had the depth and color of a script penned by frat boys asked to write about four women. Only their research material was limited to daytime's The View, O Magazine, and Harlequin romance novels. The movie had one non-white character who said sassy things like "Love is The Thing," and a montage of the ladies drinking and playing dress-up. Even the fashion, a highlight of the TV series, was boring in that the 4 fashionistas appeared to wear the same clothes as in 2004.

Skip "SATC: The Movie", even if it's free and you have no job."

Well done mugs :)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Babylon A.D.

Babylon A.D. Vin Diesel action movie... Quelle Surpise! It's set in a weird future, and has Michelle Yoeh,
lets hop right in. Vin is a badass, I get it. Rza can write music, I get it. Russia is in a bad place right now, I get it. Uh oh, Margo reluctantly agreed to watch this movie, and it's boring after 3 minutes. After the third awful edit, leaving us both wondering if they left out a scene or two, my lovely wife decided to 'rest her eyes'.
At least it's not all bad Vin Diesel. For about 10-15 minutes it feels like a bad Jason Statham movie. Congratulations. This movie isn't worth truly explaining, it's not even worth fixing the screwy formatting in this post. Just avoid B.A.D(see what I did there?)
zzzz
What? Just writing about the movie put me to sleep. Sorry for the drool...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder. It looks funny, people liked it, great cast. How can it go wrong? I just watched it for the second time, and it didn't. It went right.
We start off with a few fake previews, a la Grindhouse, which well done. Then we get into the meat. Big stars are getting together to make a movie. sounds plausible, and it's what's really happening.
So what's good about TT? Jack Black is hilarious. I guess if you don't like Jack Black shtick, you might not be amused, but he cracks me up every time. Run around in your underwear, throw out non sequiturs, you had me at hello. Robert Downey Jr, terrific. You'll need a few viewings to actually listen to everything he spouts, and you'll be chuckling about it after. His character is outrageous, and unique IMO.
Steve Coogan isn't around for too long, but I love to see him. I wish he was my upstairs neighbor. If you haven't heard of Alan Partridge, you need to check him out. Soon, please. Danny McBride reprises his character(the inimitable Kenny Powers) from Eastbound & Down, who is kick ass and over the top.
What's not great about this movie? Well, you can tell Ben Stiller directed it. You can tell because he has himself do things that you might not otherwise cast a terribly terribly physically awkward person to do. Every time I see him run I want to slap him. Hard. Finally, Tom Cruise. Or rather the reaction to Tom Cruise. I actually really like poor Tommy. He was born in my home town, and I'm still behind him. But saying he was the best part of the movie is just ridiculous. And anyone who says they didn't know Les was TC, you're an idiot. Seriously. I'm done(don't get me started on the Jewface controversy). Watch it.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye. I've been on an action movie kick lately, and, well, this is an action movie. What do I know about it going in? It has Shia LeBeouf... And the title sounds like a singer's name. Shia was good in Even Stevens. He was terrible in a few other movies, and tolerable in Transformers. But for some reason people like him. And I don't mind him, or the fact that he always plays the put-upon good guy who doesn't know why this is happening to him. Oh well...
Eagle Eye turns out to be a terrorist espionage film. Not a lot of surprises, but the film certainly keeps us moving. I was excited to see Michael Chiklis being his hardass self(un commish like) and I'm always happy to see Michelle Monaghan. If you like her(as I do) you have to watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, it(her role) might blow your mind. Rosario Dawson (working with Shia for a second time - see terrible movie link above)is adequate as an Air Force investigator, she's obviously working hard to not be pigeonholed.
Despite a silly plot, the movie flows well, and you never get bored. I'm a big Billy Bob fan, and he doesn't disappoint. If you're sitting around, thirsting for an action movie, give it a shot.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Zack and Miri make a porno

Zack and Miri make a porno. Another movie from the goofy Judd Apatow group, though it wasn't actually written by Apatow. Pretty funny, the guy from the Office is cool, Jason Mewes is surreally funny.

Elizabeth Banks is hot, and funny, Rogan is his usual self. Kind of funny, worth watching if it's on TV. Nothing terribly original or memorable, besides Granny Panties.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Television

As many of you know, I got married somewhat recently(a little over a month ago) this was one of the factors in my blogging deficit. I am busy, I have a large backlog, frisbee is in full swing, I got married, and one other thing. Television. I have been watching a lot of television. This significantly takes away from my movie watching, but I love me programs. Why not talk about some of these?

Contender Muay Thai(CMT for short, terrible IMDB page btw)
I never got into the normal Contender series for a few reasons. Not the least of which was that amateur boxing is really boring and it sucks. Did anyone watch Olympic boxing this year in Beijing? It was boring and slow, and no one understood the point system; not the coaches, commentators, spectators, no one. CMT has a few advantages over plain old Contender shows. First, it is in Thailand, and has a quite varied international set of competitors. Second, any level of Muay Thai is exciting. They give us five full rounds, plenty of time to get some real action(TUF only gives us two). The only fight so far this season that went to decision(John Wayne vs the French idiot) was the bloodiest match of the season. Last night someone got KTFO, brutally. It wasn't like straight-arms out quivering, but he was down far after a 10 count was reached. What I like about CMT and TUF is that when you have a number of over aggressive fighters in a house, you don't have to manufacture drama.

Intervention
Yes I'm still watching this. I can't get enough of people on drugs acting stupid. Quite entertaining, though I probably don't feel the emotions they're trying to evoke. I'm actively rooting against most of them.

Daily Show/Colbert Report
Constantly making fun of McCain/Palin seems to take a bit of the sting out of the fact we're going to have a republican white house again. The wife and I are seriously talking about fulfilling my life long dream of moving to Canada. At least for a little while(four yearsish)

Project Runway
Say what you will, my wife loves it and it's mildly entertaining. I wish Tyra Banks would watch how Heidi Klum comports herself for a few episodes before continuing to act like a bigger spaz than Screech. I love watching Chelsea Handler take the piss out of Tyra every day, tho I'm leaving her show off this list.

I'm stopping here. But I am very excited for the new seasons of Knight Rider, Terminator, and the new hit Fringe.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Grand

The Grand.
First of all, I love David Cross. He's fantastic in everything he does. Now that you know I'm objective, this movie is funny. Very funny. I've gotten a little sick of Woody Harrelson over the years, but I really liked him in the lead role. The dysfunctional misanthrope is a very good contrast to how Woody lives his life. That's three movies in a row he's good in(also No Country and Transsiberian)

A loaded, terrific cast, good pace, and surprisingly the most accurate movie poker action I've seen make a fun time. If you like goofy comedies you'll like this movie. If you like David Cross or Woody Harrelson, if you like poker movies, check this out. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Other Bolyn Girl

The Other Boleyn Girl. Two spicy ladies, one boring piece of European history. How can it go wrong? Bad acting, played out terribly slowly, and you have a snoozefest.

Trust me, if you can have Natalie Portman and Scarlet Johansson and not keep my interested you're doing something wrong. Skip it unless you're super bored.